I usually post my art and such here, but I thought this was semi-entertaining...
After a non-successful phone call, I went online and tried my luck there.
At nearly the end of my checklist to add cable to my already existing Internet service with Comcast...this Live Chat window opens with a super-happy "Jessica" typing away...I'll let you, dear reader, be the judge...
Here's the chat with Jessica:
Jessica: Hi, I'm a live Comcast product specialist. Would you like my help checking out?
Jessica: Just type your question below.
You: If I'm already leasing a modem, should I check the "I own a modem" box
(as a side-note, I think it's odd that they state me, the user as "You" rather than "Me"...I already feel dumbed-down, I know who I am! It's almost accusatory, right? Maybe not, anyhow...)
Jessica: I’ll be happy to help you out with our services.
Jessica: Please click on the orange ‘Move chat window’ button to make it a window of its own. That way, you'll still see this web page while we chat.
Jessica: Thank you for moving chat. Just to check, are you a current Comcast customer? Or have you had comcast service for the last 120 days? Prices and offers would vary for new and current customers.
You: Current Internet
You: So, we already have a modem. It's a Comcast modem we use for our current Internet use
You: should I check the "I own a modem" box in that case?
Jessica: For the internet equipment, you can choose to lease a modem from us for an additional of $7.00 per month and this already includes a wireless router lease at no additional cost. However, you can also purchase your own modem from another store or use your own, provided that it is compatible with our service.
You: I am starting to think you are not a live person...
You: What I said was..."So, we already have a modem. It's a Comcast modem we use for our current Internet use...for our current, existing Comcast Internet service"
Jessica: You may use your own modem as long as it's compatible with Comcast.
You: I believe we are already leasing that modem on the current Internet service.
You: It's Comcast's service
You: It's YOUR modem
Jessica: You may use that modem.
You: so I should check the "I own a modem" box
Jessica: Please check I own a modem box.
You: thank you
You: Is it ok for me to lie like that?
You: I believe in God and I do not wish to go to Hell for lying.
You: Is Comcast forcing me to go to Hell?
You: It just doesn't seem fair, seeing as how I only want to watch HBO
Jessica: May I ask what questions you have on our products?
You: Are there Comcast products available in Hell?
You: Like, where the Devil lives?
You: The place you are sending me to by lying...
You: are you there?
You: have I offended you?
Jessica: Can we talk about the products please? Thank you!
You: These products...
You: who installs them?
You: will you come to install them?
You: You personally??
Jessica: It would be our professional technician who would install services for you.
You: Why have I been double-billed for two HD DVRs?
You: I only checked one box
You: I feel cheated
You: I think this is Hell, but I'm not holding you personally responsible
Jessica: Did you check the HD-DVRs under "additional televisions"?
You: it's possible
(I go and check if she's right...and she is...)
You: oh my God, what do I do now?
You: I just took my Lord's name in vein!
You: Can you take THAT back?
You: how do I go back?
Jessica: Please go back to customize page.
You: NO! How do I go back in GOD's eyes!
You: I'm having trouble seeing the customize page through my tears!
Jessica: Have you already made the necessary changes?
You: Like...in life?
You: that's a really good question...
(For one brief moment, this could be an interesting, philosophical conversation!)
Jessica: I mean have you made the necessary changes on customize page?
You: oh...how disappointing...
You: I thought you were a real person, with a real heart
You: Just for a moment
You: but yes...
You: I adjusted the fact that I only needed on HD DVR
You: now that my world is shattered, I hope that HBO service from Comcast will fill the void that your empty, heartless advice, could not fill
You: I hope, in the future, a human, a real human will be able to help me with my problems
You: you're not even typing back...
Jessica: I'm trying to rad what you are typing now.
You: that is rad
You: I'm glad a typo is here
You: It makes you more real
(again, a glimmer of a human appears in the form of a type-o. If this is not a human, the coding engineers are pretty clever)
Jessica: I mean read.
You: I'm so confused.
Jessica: Do you have any other questions about our product? Lets talk about our products please.
You: ...again with the products.
You: I'm not sure...
Jessica: Would you like to proceed with signing up for services?
Jessica: Is there anything else I can help you with today?
(another window opened, this time the live chat is with a personality named "Asuncion")
You: do you know Asuncion?
Jessica: I can't answer that question for you.
You: that person is helping me now...if it is ...in fact a person...
Anyhow, she left the chat room and I start this conversation with Asuncion.
I was unable to copy-paste the back and forth, so here's a big ass JPEG of the conversation via screen-grab...enjoy...